What I want is my debt to be gone. Debt of the dollar has mentally prevented me from repaying the debt I owe as a human being in this world to other human beings in this world. But I’m done, man. Done with pretenses, done with the farce, done with the self-delusion, excuses, rationalizations, justifications of so-far-from-mattering nonsense. Maybe I can monetize being a good, worthwhile human being and knock two birds off with one stone? I first heard that phrase from my dad when I was kid. The mental image I conjured as a child and still carry to this day is a rock being thrown up into the blue sky, hitting a bird, and this destabilized bird careens violently into the only other bird in the sky who happens to be right next to him, and they both crash and descend in a cartoonish spiral.. I always found that mindpicture to be funny, still do, laughing right now actually,.One bird completely fucks up or gets fucked up–I don’t know which one–regardless, by accident, completely fucks up this other bird, who was just minding his own business flying in the sky. Man, that’s funny. But yeah, maybe you are one of the fucked up birds, maybe in a different part of life you will become the other fucked up bird, maybe you are the rock thrower, maybe you’re the person who let the rock thrower throw a rock at two birds being birds, or maybe, just maybe, I’m just trying to force-fit a poetic, symbolic narrative onto something that is simple, fucking hilarious, and totally absurd.
I don’t know if there is a name for how I think, I hope there is. I hope there’s other people out there who think like me, but have had wildly different life experiences, creating a worldview I haven’t seen before. But if there isn’t a word for it, I’m very, very happy not to make one.
Oh man, I’m still laughing at those fucking birds. I hope that’s never not funny to me.